While the Cat’s away, the Rabbit will play…

Based on the recommendations of my girlfriends and Sex and the City, I bought a Rabbit after the abrupt ending of my non-relationship with Chicken. By spending less than $100, I lost a Chicken and gained an orgasm…or two or three, depending on how greedy I felt on a given night.

The Rabbit is superior to a man on so many levels…1) It’s a sure thing…you know you’re going to have a very happy ending that night, 2) It’s always available…never tired, never has a meeting the next morning, never hanging out with the boys, 3) With all the swiveling, and vibrating, it can physically do things that even the most experienced man cannot, and 4) It never says things like “I want to see other people.”

If you don’t have one, you need to go to Amazon.com right now and buy one. Right now!

Here’s the question: If it’s so great, why has the Rabbit been hibernating for the last six months? This is probably one of the most condemning pieces of evidence that I cannot have sex without emotional involvement. Ever since I started dating M. Perfect, the Rabbit has been taking a very long nap. Now that M. Perfect is thousands of miles away, the Rabbit is once again out and about and having a great time. But I’ll still take an hour with M. Perfect (even without an orgasm) over the sure-thing that is the Rabbit any day.

Why? Because the Rabbit doesn’t cuddle with you when it’s over. The Rabbit doesn’t tell you that you’re beautiful or cook you fancy dinners. The Rabbit can’t be your last-minute date for a wedding. The Rabbit can’t salsa with you or make you laugh or cry.

In a pinch, though, the Rabbit is great. Ideally, we’d all have a Cat (that is mostly here with us) and a Rabbit (for those times when the Cat’s away), and we’d definitely, definitely get rid of all the Chickens.